Purgatory

Dry swallow the day, wash it down with something else later 
Press down a little harder and rub up against a stranger 
Living an existence of fallen in the lap
Heaps and mounds I'm sifting through for the sake of busy hands
I'd rather be boring
I like those soft sciences 
Now sometimes I get high
Off the day and from scratch starting 
But when I crawl into bed I pull the shades down much too far
I can't see the dusk but the same goes for dawn
Here's the laughter and the smiles
They never had the sense to leave me 
Following that leader
Reading that script I didn't write 
I've become too indifferent 
Towards a taste I shied away from 
Except a numb tongue tastes nothing
And so on I keep this shit up   

I used to be a realist I swear

You are not standing

On solid ground that you banked on being there haven't you learned anything you never make the deposit before you have the cash to back it up that's the first rule of basic survival.

Surviving on manipulation disguised with clever quips won't hold you over

Surviving on an ego no one wants to fluff anymore won't hold you over 

I only see these things now that I'm standing fifteen feet away at all times

And I am so sorry.
Because this is all only compensation.
For the fate that I banked on
A little too wholeheartedly
One time too many

Another empty reach for a rescue
That I never had a chance of.